The fog has arrived and it swims in my hair this late night in San Francisco. It is cool in the midst of warm air and lands on me like tiny beaded jewelry. I can see it rolling through the streets. It swishes, flops, spirals and disappears around corners and evaporates suddenly before me. It is female and temperamental in July and I am caught inbetween a moment linking all of my past and my invisible future.
I daydream out into the street - waiting for my ride. I stare through some dirty glass at the blinking lights and hear distant sounds of music and clinking glasses. I am in limbo. I am suspended inbetween gravity and space. I am inside silence herself. And just as I understand that I don't want for this moment to elude me - it does. It goes away and marries itself with other moments - linking time together.
And so I sigh, exit and jump into my ride.

Here I am. Sitting at 1am. I feel stll suspended and bundled up inside of a tight space. But for the moment, this tiny restricted space is saving me from myself and my tendancies. They to be like melted wax and want to become part of an endless ebb and flow with no destination and no beginning - just a primordial gooeyness that resents the rules of physics and form.

Which is how I've been living my life. And I pay for that.
I just want to be left alone. Can't I just be? Sometimes I do what I want. Most of the time I do what I have to. And I know that I'm not alone. Most of us live this way.

I used to tell people who were shy and afraid of public speaking to 'just imagine everyone watching you - naked.' Or, 'just imagine them all sitting on a toilet.' Isn't this where we overlap? If we were all naked - then vulnerability would lose its grip on us. And if most of us know that we are only doing what we 'have to', then why create such painstaking situations for ourselves?

At the risk of sounding a little 'After-School-Special', I almost feel the above question is rhetorical. Or maybe the little, innocent, naive, un-corrupted girl in me still holds an ember to her face. Look at me.
We don't live our lives through common sense.
We purposely take detours around it.

Being an adult sucks.
I'm just gonna watch the fog & play hop-scotch.
yay.