Tonight, the city is really dark. Black with no trace of blue.

It's as if the lights turned up the contrast so that they can seem brighter.
The air is clean and clear and a collective anxiety has been squished, for now. Tonight, there's not just a lightness for the eyes, but a lightness for the chest. As if some dense mass was wrestled down by the hands of something mighty - held to the ground just above the cooling city pavement.

So, I sigh and bring some warm chai to my lips and wonder how long I have to breathe.

Today was good. I enjoyed the sun. Dressed for a job interview, I caught the #2, interviewed with a nutritionist for a part-time receptionist/assistant position. We loved each other instantly. She was filled with humor and candor and I found her to be refreshing. What a wonderful way to be a doctor.

"I have other interviews scheduled," she said. "But, I think I already like you."

I smiled and felt some relief. Relief that I was out in the sun and relieved to meet this woman whom, according to the piles of randomness on her desk and laid-back demeanor, I could tell was also a spacial being existing in a linear world.
I immediately felt at home.

"You're so accomplished", she said looking down at my resume. "Why do you want to do this?"

And then a perpetual moment began. You know, those moments when everything passes before you like a deck of cards. Because I knew the only reason I was there was because I've been searching for sanity. Some kind of routine in my routineless life. Something to get me out of bed. And I guess things like eating and paying rent are important, too.
But, accomplished? That word struck me because for so long, I've felt the opposite according to the world. And here was this "accomplished" woman extending a bravo to me.

"I'm transitioning and I'm an independent writer so I'm looking for something to supplement my income." That was the joker.
Nodding and understanding, she preceded on to the next point.

Afterward on my way home, I paid attention a little longer to people's faces on the bus. Where had they just come from? Where are they going? I tried not to stare and be rude. It's just that I feel like I'm seeing everything for the first time lately. Like I'm becoming privy to another dimension and all of my senses have been heightened.

And it's all utterly beautiful and utterly tragic at once. Like the current night cradling the lights, lately all of everything is showing me it's sharpest contrasts.

Slowly but surely, I'm learning not to get cut by them.

Tonight the city is really dark. Black with no trace of blue.
But the day --- ah the day. It was filled with rolling color falling all around and in and out of me ---
--- blending itself, and me, into this giant bliss of a breathing painting.

So, I think I'll undulate in this rainbow today. And I'll hope for more - for the perpetual tomorrow.



SONG: Brian Eno & Harold Budd, "Still Return" - Album: The Pearl